His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
