Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
