You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
