He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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