meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
