White coat. Heels.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
