ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
