My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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