And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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