I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
