I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Dignity is for republicans.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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