I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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