I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Randomize
