Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
