Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
