big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
