I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
