Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
