You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
