thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize