a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize