I'm laying in your front yard are you home
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize