im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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