true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
