One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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