Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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