In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
