Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I need to stop coming to work sober
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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