All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
