omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
