Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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