I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I think my fart just growled at me.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
