What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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