If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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