I think I won the penis lottery.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
