WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
