Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
