every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
