wanna go halves on a baby?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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