I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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