Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
