dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
