thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
