Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
