She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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