Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
