Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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