you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
