Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
