saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
