i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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