So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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