I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
