I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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