Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
