You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
