I must be too annoying 4 u.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
