It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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