Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
