it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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