Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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