I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
