I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
