man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
