Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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