he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
