I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I can't turn off my feet"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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