The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
