Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
